Okay, in my "Abuse is Not Funny" post last week, I promised I would weigh in on "Nice Guy" syndrome and its implications. This is a subject that has certainly been discussed by many people with as many different views.
I will begin this discussion by saying that I am not trying to indicate that there are no men who are legitimately nice out there. I know there are because I've known them and in fact, I've dated them. Men can be genuinely nice while also being aggressive, funny, and popular. I've dated and been friends with these men. There are also men who are capable of being shy, mostly passive, sweet, and also genuinely nice and interested. I have also dated a man like this and been friends with others. My point is that this is not about men who are genuinely nice, who are interested in being friends with people, and who are clear about their expectations and desires (even if it takes them a little while to work up the nerve to communicate them).
Most of this discussion and debate focuses around men who are interested in women. I am going to be clear and say that there are men who behave like this toward other men they are interested in and there are women who behave like this toward their desired partners. This is really a social issue, not just a feminist one, so don't go away from this thinking I'm beating up on heterosexual males.
(My actual analysis begins after the jump.)
